Live.

I am beginning to question myself. Am I truly as invisible as I think I am? Or am I just saying it as an excuse so I won't have to try to be seen and then get rejected or abandoned? I have been left behind, abandoned, shunned, and lost so many amazing things in my life. My grandmother, my childhood friends, my parrot (whom was like my parents baby), my father, great teachers I looked up to, and the best friend I have ever had in my life. Some of them past away, and some moved, either way... It still hurt. Sometimes it feels like everything around me is just fake and going to soon fade like everything else I have come to know and love. I try to accept that change is inevitable and that nothing is constant. Even I, try as I might, will change. I will mature, I am sure. I have already begun my transformation from child to adult. Only two more years until I become recognized as an adult by the nation. It feels like I can breath a little more knowing that soon, I will be able to start understanding myself. I may be a high school student, but I rarely understand my own thoughts. I am too indecisive to choose my favorite color. How do people expect me to choose what college I want to go to? Or what I want to be in the future? Or even process the thought of where I will be in ten years? To be completely honest, I see myself right here in ten years. As though time is frozen, I see me sitting were I am right now, doing nothing but this, typing to you. I don't mean I see myself still blogging in ten years. I am unable to imagine myself in ten years. I live on memories, and the present. When I try to imagine the future, I get lost in thoughts of my past. I want to strive for something, but I can barely understand what it is I am trying for. Why am I trying so hard for the future I can't even imagine? I don't know why, but I do know that in the future, I will look back to right now and be thank full I tried. From now on when people ask me what I want to do in the future, I will simply reply: Live.